This Mother’s Day

“Mothers and their children are in a category all their own. There’s no bond so strong in the entire world. No love so instantaneous and forgiving.” —Gail Tsukiyama

The babies and pups that made me a mother are a blessing. They are my world and my loves. They make my heart full. They put smiles on my face and life in my soul.

Looking at their tiny faces when they’re happiest puts the world into perspective. It lights up the room and spreads joy to all within reach. The simplicity in their excitement teaches me to embrace the small things that can bring me happiness. How quickly they bounce back and shake off the moments of giant tragedy teach me to roll with the punches and let the negativity go from my life. Their eagerness to make new friends and wave at all the passersby teaches me to cast my net farther for the possibility of people to reach is endless. Each moment with these little spunks is a moment of growth for their mama.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get down to the real nitty gritty: the days leading up to this Mother’s Day have been trying. Three months after becoming a mom of two and the newness has yet to dull. I can tell you what has dulled though: the brain, the enthusiasm, the momentum, the adrenaline, the patience and the help.

Let’s be honest, being a mom is hard! No matter your husband’s work schedule or marital status for that matter, no matter how near or far you have family, no matter if you have found your tribe or are going it solo, no matter if you have one kid or twelve… you are a mom and you are momming hard.

Truth: I feel like a failure. I look around my home and I see the piles of dishes and laundry that I can’t fold when my toddler is awake because she unfolds it all or I won’t fold when the kids are sleeping because I’m so tired. I look back on my day and reflect on every mistake I made from snapping at my sweet girl to letting her watch tv to not making dinner to not giving the kids and/or dogs enough attention, etc., etc. I look at my diplomas on the wall and think of the money wasted on degrees that aren’t being used; the money that I’m not making but spending and feel like a drain. My job is to be the mom and some days it’s tough to do that to the standard at which I’ve given myself. And some days I just want to go to the boss and quit!

More truth: I miss my partner. I know he has a job and I okay a supporting role (see above how I’ve abandoned much of that role). He’s busy, but it’s nice when he’s here and can pick up my slack. Furthermore, I miss my people. As a pilot’s wife, I am used to being surrounded by other women in the same boat. Right now I don’t have that. I have more than most so even typing this I feel guilty, but I don’t have what I’m used to so for that I feel lonely. I need my people.

Truth again: I need me too. I feel spread thin and torn in at least 5 directions at all times of the day. There is only one me and that one me wants to be everything everyone else needs. That everyone includes: my husband, my kids one and two, my pups and every potential person I come into contact with. That’s right, I’m a crazy person and I feel the need/desire to help everyone else when I can’t even help myself! After all of the taking care of everyone else, I think to myself, “now what can I do for you?” And typically fall asleep before I can respond 🤪

Last truth: I love it. No matter how many times I think in my head that I want to run away and catch my breath, this family is the air I breath. Even when I want to lock myself in the closet and scream, I want all of that chaos to be outside the door needing me still. And when I think I can’t go on, the tears on coming, my sanity clock is running out, I still want those tiny arms wrapped around my neck.

Now a dare: I dare me to push aside all of the bad and cling tight to the good. I dare me to embrace these challenges and take them on as adventures, growing with each learning experience. I dare me to give myself grace and forgiveness because mistakes will be made by the minute. I dare me to love me the way I love them: relentless, unwavering, unconditional, constantly growing L O V E.