It’s easy to get caught up in a pity party. One thing can throw my day and it’s the pits from there. Things that don’t bother me most days become detrimental and explosive on days the depression is weighing me down. Other times, things that should be detrimental and explosive don’t phase me in the least and I look like a superhero. Before having kids I had reservations because I knew depression was an issue for me. Not only was I afraid of postpartum depression, but I was [am] afraid of my children ever experiencing the hurt I have. I hope they are so privileged and happy their hurt is not relatable. Something I wish for everyone.
Just recently, a friend of mine saw someone’s picture perfect Instagram picture with a caption about how bad their day had been because house training a pup was really difficult. It was during a time when the East Coast was getting hit by hurricanes, I was evacuating with the two kids and dogs by myself while we all were coming down with the stomach bug. The friend became defensive of me saying that chick needed to see a real “bad day”. While I very much appreciative of her having my back, I immediately thought of two things: 1) my day is daisies compared to the people losing their homes and loved ones 2) her hurt is her hurt and that’s ok.
Back when I first started trying to get pregnant with Abraham I became discouraged because my plan was taking longer than I wanted. I felt guilty for feeling bad because I had several close friends who had struggled with infertility. One of them was my best friend, Hillary. One night the topic came up and I started crying explaining this to her. She responded by telling me something that has stuck with me as a constant reminder,
“your hurt is your hurt. even though in comparison to my struggle it seems small, it is still hurt and it’s not small.”
A person could have a smile on their face and look picture perfect from the outside while falling apart inside. Another person could look like their life is falling apart when they actually have things more together than the average adult. The old “you can’t judge a book by it’s cover” and “don’t judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes” will always be relevant.
While struggling with puppy pee seems minor in comparison to natural disasters, it’s ok for a person to feel defeated in that moment in their bubble. Likewise, when my head is about to explode because I am overwhelmed with the tiny humans I too can feel defeated in that moment in my bubble. My takeaway is to walkaway from that moment knowing there are people with harder struggles but knowing no struggle is lesser. This world is not black and white. Everything is circumstantial and to be honest, I hope that girl’s life is so happy her biggest hurt is puppy pee.